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blue_butterfly7
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Well, the reading week is over and I am back in Lindsay. I did absolutely no homework during the reading week. So now I am gonna have to bust my ass off this week..oh well, I need the time off to not do any school stuff. Plus it doesn't help that I worked 47 hours and come home to a little 6 year old. It's hard to do any school work when there is a little 6 year old girl is wanting to hang out and play with her mommy. Of course I give in to Summer way before I would the school work. The most important person in my life is my daughter, she comes before everything else in life. I'll just have to have some late nights doing school work, c'est la vie!!!! Summer is doing really good at school. She is starting to read now, does she ever love books and video games. I loved being home with her for a week. I can't wait until school is over and I can be with her more. Me and Morgan are still going stronger than ever. We got through all that emotional garbage that I had and now the trash has been thrown out to the dump. I feel that I can freely give my everything to Morgan. I love him so much and I know that he feels the same way about me. I am so happy that I get to see him again. On the first Saturday of the reading week I took him to the airport so that he could fly back home to Timmins. I was crying, it was sad. I am going to be such a basket case at the end of April, when the school year is over. It was so sweet to see him yesterday when I picked him up at the airport. He is just so sexy...yummy!!! Things are going great for me right now, I feel so alive.
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 horny |
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Xavier Rudd | |
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Things are going a lot better now. I guess that we all have those moments where everything feels like if though it is spinning out of control. How would we learn anything in life without those insane moments of uncontrollable chaos? It definitely helps me to expand my personal self.
I had two mid term exams today. I think that they went relatively well. I do have to admit I don't mind saying how I think that I did on an exam, whether it be just an I did fine or I think that I bombed it, but I hate analyzing the test that I just finished because than I feel like if though I second guess myself and that just makes me feel worse and I lose that confidence that I had. I don't like to lose that confident feeling. Some people just obsess over it....the past is the past lets just leave it there and move on. We have no control over the past, we can't predict the outcome of the future, the only thing that we can do is live in the now. I like to live in the now...to live in the moment and just to feel it and all its wonders. School is going ok. I do need a break from it all. I wonder if it's the schooling that I need a break from or just some of the people. Some of the people that I hang out with, I feel like if though they suffocate me sometimes. I need some time to straighten out my auras and to open up some of my underactive chakras. Since I absorb other peoples energies so easily, I need that time alone to just be with myself. Soon the reading week will be here and I will be able to do that.
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 good | |
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It's been awhile since i've given an update in my live journal. I guess that not a whole lot has happened to me. I am just having some emotional issues and it could be due to that time of the month coming around or just all the stress that school has been giving me lately. I opt for the school, I'm not one to blame hormonal issues on my period every month. I have been feeling swamped with lots of school work. At times I feel like if though I can't breathe and just have a moment for myself to not even think about school. Every time that I do somebody is always there telling me how much work that they've gotten done or asking me if i've gotten this assignment done yet or that assignment done yet. I try to be open and understanding, so when these people are telling me these things or asking me these questions I just grin and bare it. But yet on the inside my mind is going AAAHHHH!!!!! And I start to feel like if though my head is spinning outta control and my stomach starts to ache so badly. I don't think that it's so much that this geology thing is as hard as I am giving it credit for, I think that it's a lot of outside influences. I am so empathetic at times that I just soak up other peoples energies, which makes me feel so restricted like if though I can't breathe and since we do so many group projects in geology I always have to be with other people. Don't get me wrong doing group projects sometimes is okay, but we do it for pretty much every assignment, I feel like if though I just can't let my own creative mind flow freely. My soul and my spirit likes its freedom too much to be so restricted so much. My reading week is coming up soon so hopefully that help to refocus me. I am going to start to do more things for myself too. I want to do a half ironman nest summer, so I am going to start my training now for it so that I will be prepared next year.
There are some other feelings that have been eating at me on the inside too. I know that so many scriptures say to live in the moment. Why live in the past when it has already happened, why live in the future when it hasn't happened yet, but live in the now because that is what is happening right now. Maybe I'll be able to explain what I mean by all of this once I get my thoughts together about how I am feeling.
Ciao for now!
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 crappy | |
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Everything is going really good. I've had a few ups and downs here and there, but other than that everything has been good. I was having a hard time, at first, with this relationship thing with Morgan. I am not good at this sort of stuff and he has been so patient with me. I do admit that I did have some leftover pain and emotional crap to deal with from my past. He has been there with me and has made me realize that he is different than any other man that I have came across. I thought that guys like him only existed in fairytales : ) There is a Prince Charming for every lady out there. They are hard to find, but they do exist. School is going good. Geology is a lot of work. I spend a lot of time in the lab doing different tests and having to type up reports about my findings. One of my favourite classes is geophysical methods. We discuss magnetic fields around the earth and the interplanetary magnetic field, solar flares and sun spots......the class blows my mind. I love it because now I get to understand the geophysics of the planet and the surrounding solar systems along with my knowledge of metaphysics it is so much knowledge at one time. So much to say, but too much to just type up in my journal. Definitely something to look into if you are interested in geophysics.
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 loved |
Current Music: |
Xavier Rudd | |
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The semester is almost over. I have my last exam tomorrow morning, and it's chemistry. I think that this will be the hardest exam out of them all. I know that I'll do fine, I'm not really too worried about it. No point in getting myself all stressed out! I just gotta write a cheat sheet and then I am good to go. I have made a decision about the whole university thing. I am going to go to University of Waterloo. I am going to go for my honours in either geology or hydrogeology, that way if I decide to I can go for my masters after and who knows maybe I'll go for my doctrine....hmmm, Doctor Vanessa Smith! Sounds pretty good, a doctor of rocks and minerals, how silly :) So now I have to do some academic upgrading via the computer while I am doing the geology thang at Fleming College. The plus side on that is that if I need help with anything I can talk to the teachers there. I also need a proctor to be there when I do my midterm and final exams in the online classes, so I can just have one of the teachers at the school watch me as I do the exam. It's all so exciting. I have decided that next summer I am going to do the half ironman triathlon in Peterborough. It'll be a 30th birthday present to myself. So now I am currently in the training process for that. I know that it's early to start to train, but I need the extra training for this race so that I can do the entire thing, which I figure will take around 7 hours to do. It's a 1,930 meter swim, 90km cycle and a 21km run. Now I have to try to drop another 20 pounds so that I can be faster and it will make it alot easier on my body to not have the excess fat on me, need to get lean. With all the training and fueling my body in a good way should help me to accomplish that, trust me I am not jumping on any scales anytime soon though, I would rather be focused on the training journey then on losing weight. I am gonna have one hell of a busy school year. Half ironman training, lots of schooling, hanging out with my little girl and a new man in my life......I am gonna have to make some time for myself so I don't go insane!!! Speaking of the new man, I get to see Morgan in around 2 weeks. :)
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 ecstatic | |
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Yesterday was Summer's first time getting a filling put in her mouth. She was really good, she's such a big girl. When the dentist put the needle in her mouth she didn't cry, but she did cry a bit when the dentist put this rubber piece in her mouth so that she wouldn't swallow the filling stuff and get water down her throat. Other than that she was really good. She really liked that her mouth was frozen on one side after the dentist was done. She is such a silly girl. I love her :)
I was going through all of my stuff to get rid of things and to organize what I do have. I donated four bag my clothes and a bag of Summer's clothes. I gave some nice trinkets to my mom and my step-dad. I have some fishing trinkets to give to my brother, Elijah. I was organizing my pictures and wow have I ever changed over the years. It's nice to see where you were to where you are now, especially when were you are now is so much better than where you were. It made me feel really good! I am an ever-changing, immaculate woman.
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 happy | |
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I have changed my mind on the university that I want to go to. I am now going to go to Waterloo University. They have an actual geology program and is the only university in Ontario that has hydrogeology. Since I want to be a geologist this university is exactly what I'm looking for. Here is where I am having problems deciding how to go about getting my degree. Do I just go for it and start up in September only to have to get another OSAP loan? Do I work and try to get my degree as a part time student, which means that I might be able to pay off my current student loan a bit and try to pay for classes as I can...it'll leave me totally broke and it will take me awhile before I acquire my degree. Do I take a year off and work, keeping in mind that time is of the essence, I ain't exactly a young twenty year old. I do have a daughter that I have to support along the way too. I'm kinda leaning towards the just going for it and getting another OSAP loan. You only live this life once!!! I know that there are really good paying full time jobs out there for geologists so I am not worried about not getting a job. I may just head out west after I'm done this school stuff and work in the oil sands...good money to be made out that way. Which will help me to pay off my student loans. I think that I am just going to go for it and go to university.
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 contemplative | |
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I am feeling so much better now. The four assignments are all done and the last two that need to be handed in tomorrow are good to go. Next week is study week and the week after that are exams and then I am done the semester. I'll get two weeks off to work and hang out with my little angel, Summer. After that I am back at the school thing again. It'll be good though because I will be doing all geology....I am such a rocks and minerals nerd :) I do admit that I have been feeling a bit bummed out this week. Too much school work to get done in one week is always a bummer, but it was more than just the school work. Financially, I am so poor right now! It is really hard being a sole support parent, full time student and having a part time job. Thank Goddess that my family helps me out so much. I just hate having no money, soon I will be done school and get a decent paying full time job and then me and Summer can start a good life. The other thing that got me bummed out is how lonely I've been feeling. I don't have anyone to visit or talk to. I'm not the most social person in the world, but sometimes I like to chill out with some good friends and shoot the shit about life. I do have my friend Terra here with me, but she lives in residence and is a senior residence advisor there, so she's busy doing residence stuff. I have been really missing my friends from college that are all graduated now. I have yet to meet anyone cooler than my sister's from school...you ladies know who you are;) I can't wait until I move out of the place that I'm in too. My landlords are messed...when they are together they argue with each other all the time, it's awful. Last night I finally talked to Morgan for the first time in almost a week. I tried to get in contact with him a few times and got no response, so I had no idea what was going on with him. Of course I was worried about him. When I did talk to him I told him that if he's gonna take off to the cottage again and not talk to me to let me know that he won't be talking to me for awhile so that I don't worry about him. I hate that feeling of not knowing because that's when all those awful thoughts just pop into your head whether you want them to or not. Things are fine now and he says that he will tell me that he won't be talking to me for awhile so that I don't worry about him. I think that one of the worse things is how much I have been missing Morgan. I just want him to be here with me. I know that he will be in less than a month and maybe it's the anticipation of it all that is making me feel lonely. Soon enough I won't be as poor and I will get to be with Morgan again. Me and him are planning a weekend to Algonquin Park, which I am very excited about. It'll be nice when the fall semester starts to see all my friends come back for another fun filled year..lol!!!!
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complacent | |
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Today is my little girl, Summer's birthday. She is 6 years old....wow 6 years old. Six years ago today I was at McMaster Hospital in Hamilton giving birth to a little baby girl. I went through fourteen hours of labour with her. I have the battle scars to show for it too..lol! I have the stretch marks to show for the 9 months of being pregnant, the 14 hours of labour and the 45 minutes that it took me to push her out. She is worth every second of it all, along with the stretch marks and not so perky breasts. She is my pride and joy, she means the world to me and is the most important thing to me. I love her so much.
So far what I thought to be the worst week in the world isn't turning out too bad. I got one of my assignments done, it took me almost 4 hours to do, but it's done. That's what I get for doing the assignment the night before it's due. I always takes me a lot more time when it comes to researching information to write a paper. I know that I over do it, but I like looking up information and really learning what I'm writing about. The paper is just an information/summary abstract for Jim Adams, which I have been told that he is a hard marker. Oh well, I did the best that I could with the information that I could find and use.
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 blah | |
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I had my little girl, Summer's birthday party today with her little cousins. We went to a little zoo called Twin Valley Zoo. We all had a really good time, could of done without the awful heat and humidity, but other than that everything was really good. Summer got lots of toys and some nice clothes for school.
I have a bad feeling that this week is gonna end up being the week from hell. I have four assignments due this week and I am not feeling the school thing right now. I always get like this at the end of a semester...I start to get bored and want to move on to something new. But to have four assignments due in one week is total bull shit. I have four classes this half of the semester, so I could not imagine what other people are going through that have a full work load. Teachers always pull this crap at the end of the semester...need to get more marks in so they do it all last minute, which doesn't help us any cause than we do half ass, crappy work. After this week it should be smooth sailing!
I had an orthodontist appointment today and my teeth are killing me!!!! It'll all be worth it in the end though!
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 frustrated | |
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blue_butterfly7's journal